Run Number : 1115
Date :31st Jan 2012
Venue : The Brickmakers
Hare : Wheeler End
Hounds : Awaiting
Scribe : Hells Bells
As usual I had completely forgotten that it was my turn to write the trash until Gerry kindly reminded me. Up until that point (along with most of the hash) I was totally preoccupied with how blinking cold it was!! Especially as I had just got a text from Jo saying she was heading for a warm bath, which was starting to seem a very wise idea.
Also as usual I was too busy chatting to hear the run stats so wasn’t sure whether the 5 mile or 5.7 mile rumours were true. But then I remembered it was a Ken hash so it was likely to be 7.5 miles, and no doubt littered with some serious hills to boot.
Anyway, we set off from the pub over the common and soon came across a car crawling slowly and looking a bit lost – on closer inspection it was Mike & Judy who were obviously having issues finding the pub! Being the kind bunch we are we kept running and started climbing up the first of many hills, but at least it helped us start to warm up, even if only a little bit. I was wearing at least 3 layers, gloves, thermal leggings, head band and buff and was still frozen – how does Andy manage to wear shorts and t-shirt all year round and keep smiling – totally bonkers!! Even Yob and Kevin had given in to long sleeved tops, although both Yob and Gerry were still wearing their short shorts despite the sub zero weather.
As we reached the first descent Ken very kindly told ‘us girls’ to be careful as it was very slippy and he’d ended up on his bottom setting the hash. He’d even climbed back up to said slippy bit and written ‘slippy’ – very gentlemanly indeed. But having been discussing the dangers of hashing before a skiing holiday with Audra I still managed to slip (accompanied by appropriately girly scream) but escaped major moose :-)
Then came the long / short / medium split. Ken determined that we were making good time and therefore we could go long and off we set down the hill. Some of us were lucky enough to run back up the hill for an on back, only to be told by our new GM that we hadn’t gone far enough as there were lights emerging from the woods at the top of said hill. Ros, Matt & Ellen were playing catch up again! Apparently this is just to make sure those of us doing the onbacks get the benefit of extra training, or maybe it’s that they can’t cope with our company for the whole hash. Having had a very bizarre conversation with Ade about 5 beans being made up by 2 plus 1 ½ plus 1 plus ½ I’m really not surprised!
The slippy theme continued and Johnny (one of Niffers friends) put in a good moose, as did Kevin at the top of one of the last hills (despite trying to cover it up as a ‘sit-down’ while waiting for everyone else to catch up).
After a little disagreement about how frequently to regroup we got hot on the trail back to the pub, and found a much welcome on inn. We sprinted back to our cars, spurred on by the thought of log fires and hopefully chips. We were rewarded with both plus sandwiches and crisps, although the shorts had managed to put a big dent in the chips supply. Possibly because Mike was sat with them right in front of him ;-)
A great hash Ken and only 6.5 miles including on backs – must be a record! Thank you for a great hash and good food :-)
Run Number : 1114
Date : 24th Jan 2012
Venue : The Harrow @ Hughenden
Hare : Hells Bells
Hounds : 37
Scribe : Mark
Parking places opposite the Harrow Public House were at a premium, for the cold, damp night did not diminish the number of hardy, happy, hashers, ready to do battle with tonight muddy hills and fields. Lady Helen, our hare, led the pack to the first obstacle. This proved to be a small lake that surrounded the gate out of the car park.
Up the hill, the pack slowly went, as some waited back for Ellen’s imminent arrival. Catching up for the late starters was easy, as the pack seemed to have been doing lots of on backs, on this the first of tonight’s slippy hills. Paul managed to do two moose’s at the beginning of the run, before he managed to steady his muddy feet. Over the Speen Road we went and up the hill to Nap. Along the edge of the common the route took the pack, until the planned split occurred. The shorts duly went off to Naphill Farm and across the field to Hughenden Valley and along the road back to the public house.
The longs, continued to Flagmore Wood and up through the woods to Hughenden Manor. As we ran down from the Manor, Lady Helen agreed timings with the campanologist proved to be spot on. It was a capital idea and only added to the grand view, evening and company.
Having passed the lovely Church, which is the final resting place of Mr Disraeli, late of Hugenden, we turned left towards our destination. As we arrived at the bottom of Boss Lane, a final longer split was announced. The crowd was baying for more, as Kevin led his followers, in a rendition of ‘hill, hill, hill!
The will of Kevin was indeed strong, while his voice was higher than usual, due to an earlier fence climbing accident. We all followed him across the road and up the long steady hill. As we summited, a new call went out for an oxygen break, but we hashers stop for nothing..... well, apart from regroups, checking, injured hashers, beer stops, sighting of hashers homes etc. Having bagged the mountain, our pace quickened, as our thoughts turned to the pub and tasting a pint of the landlord finest ale.
By the time we started our final descent we were positively racing, until..... the pack came to an unexpected stop! ‘What could have happened’, was the discussion had by those at the back who had careered into their stationary colleagues? The answer was that the hash had acquired its first health and safety officer, who in turn seem to know his human rights!
Right! Do we need a referendum on whether we need a referendum on having a health and safety officer? These questions need to be addressed or indeed put to a vote. However, if we ask the new GM we might get a biased view!
Our ‘On Inn’ path, led us straight to the back of the pub and our nearby cars. As we all carried out the weekly game of trying to change into clean shoes without getting our socks wet, we could see the Harrow looking most inviting. Once inside, things looked even better! One will remember the famous ‘Ode to a hungry hasher’ was written about this very pub by Mr Supper the Cooper from Marlow, in which he talks about a bucket of chips. Well this time, there were two buckets and they were joined by half a dozen loaves of sliced, buttered, white bread! A most excellent treat.
As we began to recharge ourselves after the lovely run, our shy and now retiring, Grande Funk Master Griffiths, began his last Tosca ceremony. I’m sure if we visit this sacred place in years to come, a blue plague will be found on the outside wall, confirming to passing travellers, that they have indeed reach the hallowed spot.
It was duly announced the additional sad news, that Dan, from the former colonies, would be leaving us to return to the country of his birth. To help cope with this fact, Dan was duly awarded this month’s Tosca, which is a bit like winning employee of the month at McDonalds. Dan was speechless with pride. We wish young Dan and his family, all the best on their return to the land of the free.
As the ceremony ended, The Crown Prince, Roger De Vert Woburn, was heard to ask the Young Princess Bryony de Flackwell Health, if she had kissable lips? A question that followed an enquiring to the Lady Helen, if she had hooks on her thongs! While the fairy tale evening of happiness and fun was coming to an end, the Crown Prince transformation into the GM appears to be nearly complete.
While we do not know what the Lady Helen chooses to wear on her under garments, or what virgin Hasher Barry made of us all, we were all in agreement that the Lady Helen, sets an exceedingly good hash and arranges the most excellent food.
Run Number : 1113
Date : 17th Jan 2012
Venue : The Dashwood @ Piddington
Hare : Mark
Hounds : 32
Scribe : Des
Oh the grand old Dude called Mark
Had 30 gals and men
He hashed them up to the top of the hill
and he hashed them down again
And when he had flour he used flour
And when he had none he used Si's
But it wasn't his fault 'cos he wasn't there then
So he didn't realise
But then we took a left
Leaving previous week's behind
Down a road by a farm then a left to more woods,
up a slope we were inclined
And when we hit Radnage we split
The Shorties like me started back
But with many an 'Oi' and an 'Open your legs'
We were a mobile pack
The Longs did a loop in a field
Whilst the Mediums hung a left
And kept ahead of the poor old Longs
leaving them feeling bereft
And when we each hit Bottom Wood
'Twas at different times of the night
But at least from there in the distance far
Was the 'Dashwood''s orange light
For Dave it was 200
But for Evie her first Wycombe run
And despite the cold she was not put off
as we had a lot of fun
And when the Longs reached the pub
It was not even quarter to ten
Just a mere 2 hours and 8 miles on
And a chance for a quiz night then
So the grand old Dude called Mark
Laid a brilliant hash no doubt
My assessment is not influenced at all
by the praise that he gave out
For when he found out it was me
That was doing the scribing this time
He reminded me of all the good things I've done
In language most sublime
Run Number : 1112
Date : 10th Jan 2012
Venue : The Swan @ West Wycombe
Hare : Whipping Boy
Hounds : 41
Scribe : GM
Simon’s run couldn’t have been better weather wise. My temperature gague in the car told me that it was 10 degrees centigrade. No wind either. Torch batteries working, a few honed athletes emerging out of the darkness, everyone full of how much shiggy the Burnham Beeches held last week, motormouth Mike seemingly absent, what could possibly go wrong? Two things.
First, the ’Oi’ brought our Hare Simon out of the darkness to reveal with ‘how many dastardly hills there were, and that the shortness of the run would be obscured by the steepness of the hills’. (As an aside, that’s stating the bleeding’ obvious Simon), who has ever set a Hash from West Wycombe without the ascent of Snowdon and the North face of the Eiger for the pack to ascend?
The next thing to go wrong was the screech of brakes to accompany a lung piercing intake of obnoxious fumes from the dock leaves on which Mike propels his 30 year old Trabent. The very late arrival of Motormouth and the lovely Judy, then proceeded to mow down the whole pack whilst still being briefed in the car park.
Suitable words of encouragement and well meaning advice to Mike as to where he should go, from all lucky enough to escape the madman’s driving skills, rent the air of the sleeping village.
So with 2 virgin Hashers, Sara and John present, we introduced them to our quaint Tuesday evening pastime.
We commenced with a lung bursting, hands on knees running style, up the familiar never ending hill to Cockshoots Wood before we all got a severe telling-off from Simon for being too quiet! (Is that possible with HWH)? What he hadn’t realized was that we were all too knackered to whisper, never mind shout, ON-ON.
Through the wood with Owls, Parrots, Bats and Squirrels in their roosts opening their bowels at least 8 hours early, as the result of Simon’s verbal rocket to the Hash inevitably became exaggerated loose mouthed claptrap.
The gentle amble down to Chorley Farm gave us some respite with the usual banter and ribaldry but soon the longs were donning their crampons for the ascent to Hearnton Wood whilst the more sober and sane shorts, jogged with the hare along a lovely, flat tarmac surface to rejoin the longs a mile later.
I don’t know where the longs disappeared to later,(Ed's Aside: I went long and I don't know either - but I do remember the red-mist if utter exhaustion as I checked the wrong way (again) at the top of yet another lung-busting hill), but I had the pleasure of returning to the car, changing from dry shoes at my leisure and sauntering across the A40 into a scene from a Thomas Hardy novel, namely the pub.
Two yapping dogs were shooed away by the landlady whilst the only local yokel customer in the place, uncrossed his eyes, nodded at the floor and mumbled to himself some incantation from a Masonic Lodge Member entering into the 3rd degree on the Square, I think. He must have been on something other than the roasted nuts that was reluctantly drawn straight from the barrel by mine monosyllabic arthritic hostess.
A great run though Simon and a pleasure to participate in. Why aren’t more hashes of the same length in the winter?
Run Number : 1111
Date : 3rd Jan 2012
Venue : The Emperor Pub – Farnham Common
Hare : GM and the Blonde
Hounds : 35 or so
Scribe : Dan
I am often asked to explain what is “Hashing”. So while writing up the hash report tonight I thought I would share with you my mnemonic device for the group and tie in this weeks run report along the way … as if any of you read this anyway!
HASHING –
H is for the Hare who sets the run. This fine evening we were honoured with the GM setting the run as a live hash. Given the volume of rain earlier in the day any flour laid by David and the Blonde earlier would most certainly have washed away. Never fear with the GM on duty. He set off before we arrived and we were dared to catch him. The shorts began the evening with a short cut and the longs were sent left on an extra loop before we all met up in the Beeches covering the final three miles as one large group.
A is for the Ale. Some would wait to the end to talk about such a thing, but that would throw off the mnemonic I’m trying to follow and besides I’ve heard it said that our motto is “a drinking club with a running problem.” Any decent run must end with plenty of real ales on hand in the pub if you are to satisfy this surly lot of hashers. For the full flavoured drinkers, we were fortunate enough tonight to have a choice between London Pride and a Rebellion winter brew “Roasted Nuts”. With Ian’s advice I went with the latter and couldn’t have been happier. It complimented the delicious food provided (pizzas, chips, brownies and Xmas bread) and confirmed once again why I love Tuesday evenings! Sorry you had to miss out Super Cooper – perhaps you should build in a Tuesday night reprieve when going on the wagon next January.
S is for Shiggy (or Ziggy as Ian would have it be known). Whatever you call it or however you spell it, there was plenty of the slippery stuff this evening. At one juncture Roger did a fine job of wearing it on his freshly washed jumper as he demonstrated the proper way to “Moose” on a run! It was at this regroup where I learned that I would be doing the write up for the run … perhaps I should have paid more attention before this point … never mind, I didn’t pay much attention after this point either.
BTW the urban dictionary defines shiggy this way: “Off-road hashing (running) trail through muck, mud or other wet areas. Term derives from shigella/shigellosis - bacteria causing dysentery occurring most frequently in areas of poor sanitation such as pig sties and back-water swamp lands. Term first used by Brits & Aussies on Hash House Harrier runs (in Asia) in 1940's.”
H is also for the Hounds. Tonight we started with around 25 runners and finished with close to 30. Roger, Graham, Jo and a couple others joined up with the group just before the longs caught up with the shorts. Usually this honour rests with Matt and Roz, Ade and occasionally yours truly, but tonight Roz ditched us and the Matt, Ade and I found ourselves unusually early for the festivities … I believe we each had a sense of the beer selection at the end.
I is for the Inn (or as some would spell it “In”). There is no finer sound than hearing the On-Inn after a long run – knowing then that the pub is just around the next bend. There are some hares that can be very cruel, either by intention or due to a lack of flour, and will write out the “On-Inn” with what can only seem to be miles remaining. Fortunately Ken didn’t set this hash and we only had near on a half-mile from the declaration to the Forrester car park. Sorry Ian, I just couldn’t go with your suggestion that “I is for Ian”.
N is for Nutters. Let’s face it, when I describe hashing to the unenlightened they are thinking it or saying it aloud. You have to be a little loose in the screws to run in the dark, with torches on your head in every type of weather condition along an often unfamiliar trail. It’s amazing there have not been more serious injuries along the way! (knock on wood!)
Finally, G is for Gratitude. A sappy finish to the run report I know. But for almost three years, every week I have looked forward to these Tuesday evening runs. Mostly for the ales I admit, but along the way I have witnessed some spectacular scenery in the Chilterns, learned a bit of the history of the area (thanks Gerry and Roger et al) and made some good friends. The time will come soon when we repatriate to the US and I am certain that some of my favourite memories from living in England will be from Hashing – may God bless you all.
Thanks for the run tonight David and convincing the Publican to put on the grub – both were truly appreciated. ON-ON until next week!
Run Number : 1010
Date : 1st Jan 2012
Venue : Car Park Great Missenden
Hare : Roger
Hounds : 30
Scribe : Matt
Roger’s annual panettone and Jamie Oliver mince pie New Year’s Day’s run was held in Great Missenden this year, a slight change from passed years as we normally gather for this auspicious occasion on top of the ridge rather than the valley floor only one way from here then. A small but perfectly formed contingent from the South Herts Hash had bravely crossed the border to help see in the New Year with us, Roger’s legendary mince pies are a great draw.
I’m sure a fascinating and amusing pre hash speech was given but as has become the norm for me I arrived late and missed it, arriving instead just in time to see the pack trot off across Buryfield playing fields. As there is not a path carrying on along the river Misbourne and the nice flat valley bottom only two options are really available from the Square, A-up a steep hill towards Chesham or B-up a step hill towards Prestwood so the on left through the Missenden bypass under pass confirmed the lung busting climb to Frith Hill. Once at the top though a painful reality started to dawn that Roger might be on a one mission to rid us all of any excess Christmas poundage as the trail took us straight back down Church Road, sneaky it had been plan B all along.
The assent to Prestwood would be the long grueling track passed Roald Dahl’s house with some on-backs thrown in just to prolong the agony.
Confession time around this point:- a combination of enjoying the mild weather, hashing without a torch, anticipation of the goodies at the end and banking on Gerry not being back from Thailand to remind me about the write up, I don’t know where we went from there, it’s just a blur of beautiful Chilterns scenery. The next point I can recall with any degree of confidence is the descent through Angling Springs Wood back to Great Missenden and the reverse view of Roald Dahl’s house.
All thoughts now were turning to Roger’s boot no, not his back side, his car’s boot or more to the point what was within his car’s boot. Kerry was already forming an orderly queuing when the pack arrived back at the start, considering she wasn’t actually at the start in the first place there must be a hash rule about that. The year long weight for Rogers famous mince pies and the million calories per slice panettone was justly rewarded along with copies amounts of chocolate cake, chocolate biscuits, chocolate sweets and a keg of Grahams excellent home brew, oh well diet starts tomorrow. Many thanks Roger another gastronomic treat and great run plus congratulations to Super Cooper’s daughter whom at only 8 years old put all us longies to shame.
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