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Run: 1078 This report may lack a little on the detail side, as I totally forgot all about it, until I saw Gerry standing in the carpark this Tuesday. The realisation then dawned that he was missing something. My hash report. So here it is, all of ten days late. So arrived by foot to the carpark of the pub. Just got to look that up. The Harrow that was it, Oh and drove there, yeah! must of done. So in the carpark where... no we didn't group in the carpark, it was on the little overflow spaces on the other side of the road, sure of it. Audrey, yeah looked that up as well, gave us the instructions for the evening. That's got to be right as that happens every week. Audrey was assisted by Mick! No Mick’s on tour, again. Anyway, off we went down the road, should be on safe ground there. Up a hill and into some fields. Then regrouped at a road, where waiting for the other hashers to regroup I spoke to... where I spoke to...eh. spoke to.. no its not going to come. We were soon on our way again, where to, no idea! I do remember a lovely view at this point, made a mental note of where we were, so that I could come back again on a walk or training run and take in the view again. We were on a trail down to Hughenden Park, brilliant! Here there was some noise thing going on. I wonder what that could have been, wait now, it was bells.. don't seem right..bells.. oh yeah the church in Hughenden Park, that was it, bell ringing So far so good. Now what, Hughenden Park, Hughenden Park. Must have gone across the road.. must have, no where else to go really. Crossed the road then, yeah going with that! and up the hill. Hill,.. hill hill hill eh hill.. ok up the hill seems good, and to a regroup at the top, Why not? it was here that I chatted to.. make something up.. make something up, where I chatted to.. eh.. Benchbreaker! no he would have gone with the short cutters by now. Where i chatted to a friendly goat. genius! On On then, On On yeah good to a... Think think, to a, climb I remember now, we had this climb up a rather steep hill where |Mark ( Jilly calls him bunnyman) was trying to get us up the hill quickly to view the.. daisy's DAISY'S no it can't be daisy's, the mud, no we've seen mud before, yeah and how! Not mud then... sunset, blinding, no the realisation not the sunset. yeah but the sunset was blinding, I mean good, not that we struggled to see afterward, look you know what I mean. God let’s just get back to the pub, On inn then, to the pub where had, chips and drinks, we must have. Chips I remember this, Chips more chips than you shake a cat at, no its not a cat, well at east I don't think so The Bible, more chips than you can shake the bible at.. stick at, more chips than you can shake a stick at. Screw this I'm going for a lie down.. Anybody know where were running next week! I can't for the life of me remember!!! Moose... I am Moose, I'm sure I am... I think.
Run: 1078 A midsummer's hash at the Bounty, it's enough to even bring out the most obscure of hashers on a Tuesday evening! These were my thoughts as I pulled into the Bourne End station lot and saw some very peculiar looking people … and no, neither Mike nor Simon joined us this fine evening. Instead, they were a Morris Dancing group in full regalia, preparing for a night of entertaining at the Bounty – they had no idea what they were in for later that night. Following the incessant moaning about the £2 parking fee in the station car park, the hashers finally gathered round the hare to hear the instructions for the evening and to be introduced to our virgin for the evening, Lauren. Finally we were on right out of the car park and, after a quick check, on right again heading back towards the Thames and the bridge. It was here that some of us learned of Ian's golfing exploits (a 7 over par round in a golfing society event the previous week) and the anticipation of two giddy hashers awaiting the announcement of their joint 100th run. And many a hasher commented on Roger wearing his torch on the longest day of the year in anticipation that someone may get lost in the woods and need a lighted pathway home … pessimistic for sure, but nurturing as well. After crossing the bridge, we head on left along the river passing many a boatsman and on back along the way. Eventually we turn on right and find the promised hills of the evening. We head into and across Winter Hill Golf Club where we reach the regroup for the Long-Short split. There was some comment/insult made concerning the pedigree or thoroughbred status of Anthony (or was it Lucy) that the GM shared with everyone and I promised to include in the hash report. However, after being slightly light headed from the enjoyable, long hill (including the on-back) leading to the regroup … I can not do the "best insult ever" justice by attempting to recount the words. The shorts head off right and the longs venture on left across the field. From here the particular directions we followed have faded from memory, but let me just say that we took in some gorgeous scenery overlooking the Thames. We had ample time to take it in when we could not find the blobs of flour and Moose seemed to care little if we ever made it back in time for a pint or dancing. Eventually, the hare acquiesced to our thirsty pleas and we were off down the side of the hill to make our way back in along the Thames. We venture in past the Bounty only to take in the cruel sight of the shorts enjoying a pint while we trek back to the station to change and to retrieve some cash for the night's libations. Back at the pub we are entertained not only by some fine ales, but a hashing rendition of Morris Dancing – check out the web-site for a video file of one of the dances! Finally the GM brings us together for "something important" including the presentation for 50 and 100 runs to Anthony and Marc respectively … congratulations men! Never mind Kevin, I'm sure Roger will remember you sometime soon!! Thanks for the run Ade – and the chips!!
Run: 1077 This Tuesday I left home promptly at 7:15 thinking that Seer Green was some considerable distance away.
Having crossed Twitchells Lane, we automatically entered Jordans. Apart from also having lots of horses around, Wikipedia says it is the home of Ozzy Osbourne. Seems rather ironic that a Quaker (teetotal) village should be his chosen residence. Also, horse and Osbourne usually has a different connotation.
Run: 1076 We all met in the car park of “The Cock Inn”, a little nervous excitement radiated around the pack as if we were carolled wild horses waiting to be released. Across an open field with the sun in our faces and the wind in our hair (well those with hair that is), down the first hill at a jogging pace with the honky tonk women chatting about the week gone by then it happened . . . . . the start of Gerry’s On-back world record attempt, funny he seemed to be going backwards all night?? We travelled along the valley bottom to a checkpoint that created some anxious cries of PETROL! Little did we know that it was Sebastian (ADE) Vetell racing to the start line at the Little Red Rooster pub. On-On was called straight-on and it was into the woods we go, as the GM has previously mentioned the nettles have grown well this year. I was leaping like jumping jack flash and let out a holler, at this point Kev told me, “you’ll be a fool to cry with this lot watching ya!”. I remembered Yoda Jo’s comment of, “man up wet pants” and got on with it. We popped out of the woods to a main (fast) road and found a false trail down a cul-de-sac half the pack followed me (mad fools). A random man asked me what colour would be best for his fence??? I told him to paint it black and we all turned back to find the real trail. Up the hill we strode, across the idyllic view of 8 lanes of the M25 to a checkpoint by a Pond Fish plaice place. The flour was found on the little footpath following the aforementioned motorway for the next half mile, Gerry continued his on-back marathon. Then the hare decided to take us along a 1/2mile section of “cage fighters corridor” which was a little tricky under foot and the shouts of ROOTS, heads, ROOTS rained out. We re-grouped at the end of the cage and we then set off back towards the M25. Angie asked how many more miles to go?? Sarah’s bridge took us back pub side of the motorway and we follow the opposite hard shoulder for another half mile with carpet right trucks tooting our ladies. Circumnavigating the wheat field with the beautiful sun setting like a ruby Tuesday, this was a great end to the run. This was also the point that Ros and Matt finally found/caught us up. On-in took us back to brown sugar cookies and chocolate cakes on the banquet bonnet of the hares car. Quiz of the week:-
Run: 1074 Audrey. How could you do this to me? The dread one can have, as the hare raiser, when the hash is set from Ley Hill is that no one turns up because it is perceived as being in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, off we all went down the side of the golf course (all except 2 that is). LT18 lead us through a wood replete with stingers to the Latimer Road. Ahead of us we could see the GM and the hare who had both taken a short cut. In the GMs case, his slow start was due to a change of clothing, into leggings that afforded more protection against nettles. Then the Blonde erupted. Don’t you think there is something Icelandic about her? Bit Gudrun Haroldsdottir like? “Where have you been? I was worried witless about you. I thought you had an accident. Your meal’s been in the oven for hours and now its ruined. The cat’s been sick......etc, etc.” And the cause of this outburst? The GM going short. Well, there was no ash cloud to disrupt air travellers on this occasion, but it was a close run thing. The Blonde had to breathe. Peace at last. The residual flour from the bike hash caused a little confusion but not enough to stop us finding the trail again by the side of Ashridge farm, then uphill along LT 4. Being a long stretch without crossing trails, we had our fair share of on backs. So many in fact that Gerry started to feel guilty and began to deny being the inventor of the Palmer turn. Into Cadmore Wood and the long short split. Mike C was summoned to the front so that we could all share his joy at seeing this sign. Then onward in a sarf-westly (homage to Audrey) direction to the expensive properties of Latimer. Before Ade could bring prices down by shouting at the occupants we zoomed along the Chess valley through Tooley’s Croft and Nether Ditch. Not once did we have to run away from an angry herd of animals. We were now back on bike hash territory climbing up the side of the valley into Furzefield wood which incidentally is not as wooded as the map would have you believe. The cries of “are we nearly there yet” became more frequent and strident. Alcohol deprivation is a sad thing to see in otherwise healthy people. Anthony S is attempting to break his own world record next week by hashing for 3 consecutive weeks. I don’t know whether I can stand the excitement. Ken. If it really did take six hours to set the Hash, it was worth the effort. Thanks.
Run: 1073 A variety of enthusiastic hashers gathered at the Lambert Arms near Aston Rowant. Even Mike was enthusiastic when he found out there was a short run! When it was coming up to the important 7:45pm our hare, Aud, announced the usual deceitful, typically grossly inaccurate mileage and topology. It was a choice of 2. 5 mile walk, 4. 5 mile medium, 5. 5 mile medium-long or 6 mile long. All with the promise of no undulating hills, as if that has ever been true, thinking back to Kevin and Kerry’s run from the Fox and Ibstone.
Run: 1072 The usual motley crew gathered at the Earl Howe for Sarah’s very first hash as hare. David introduced a very embarrassed looking Becky, our new virgin hasher to the assembled mob. Sarah showed why she is a good teacher with a very clear explanation of tonight’s rules while keeping the masses more or less under control; even Mike was less noisy than usual. A dutiful looking Anthony kept his place in the background. Off we set at a blistering pace through the streets of Holmer Green past bemused looking local residents. I for one assumed we would be heading across the main road and into Penn Woods, but no....Sarah had a more cunning plan. We turned left past the allotments and across the fields, enjoying the late spring evening sun. Ah ah, now we are going across the road and into Penn Woods, but no.......Sarah had a more cunning plan and we carried on across the fields, well placed on backs keeping the pack together. Meanwhile, a dutiful looking Anthony kept his place in the background It was about here that Ros and Matt caught us, carrying the now emerging tradition of competing with Ade and Helen to be the last to arrive each week (that used to be my goal, before Graham and I started car sharing!). According to Sarah’s map the next section was for both long and short cutters, but I have a sneaky feeling that there was a bit of judicious extra short cutting going on as we came back up the road to meet a bunch of grinning SCB’s as they watched the remainder of the pack turned around by a 20 back!! Mike was, as always, very happy to see the long short split as was the rest of the pack who could now enjoy the remainder of the hash without having Mike cry “is this the long short split?” at every check! Sarah went off with the shorts leaving Anthony to drag the shambling pack of long cutters around the rest of the hash. Even as chief assistant hare, he made us all feel tired by running from the back to the front of the pack at every opportunity. The long took in a lovely run over the fields north toward Little Missenden and we were rewarded with a beautiful view down in to the valley as the sun gradually set over the Chilterns. The much missed crys of “you can see my house from here” rang out as we passed a rather splendid looking farm house on the enjoyable romp down the hill into the village. It was here that Roger regaled us with storys of the many murders that had taken place in the village during its spell as the set for Midsummers Murders, and guess what – not a black or asian face in sight. Time was progressing now, and at every opportunity expectant FRBs tried to go left in the general direction of the pub. After short detour through the very pretty village we eventually did go left to be greeted by one of the longest hills we have done for a while. Not too steep, so you couldn’t really give up and walk, but a long pull with at least two on backs on the way. Maybe next week I should give the short run a try?! The track brought us back into Holmer Green where we were taken on a short tour of the village past Rogers house where, on the pavement, was written in best hare flour “you can see my house from here”. The welcome sight of the Earl Howe greeted us shortly after. There was some dispute (as always) in the car park about the length of the route, my GPS showed 5.9miles, but Kevin insisted it was nearer 7. Anyway, a good run and great chips in the pub. Well done Sarah (oh, and did I mention that a dutiful looking Anthony kept his place in the background?)
Run: 1071 It was a good start to a hash. The location & pub are well liked and there was immediate talk of the great beer awaiting the hashers return. There was still plenty of daylight and while it was a bit nippy after a balmy April, this did help to keep sweaty armpits in check (not that this is a problem for the glowing ladies of the hash!) Everyone was pleased to see Anthony with well protected palms. The hash set off promptly and at a fair pace, taking them up a footpath and quickly into a churchyard where the first bluebells were spotted. A sharp turn then saw some hashers taking a corner off through the graves, while claiming they were treading on no toes, but who can tell? The route continued round the church and on through some woods where I spotted a couple of glades of bluebells in full bloom. These, I think were the best display of the night, as the date for blooming bluebells had once again proved hard to predict (I think we were late last year too?) With no on backs to challenge the most FRB’s of the FRB’s, there was an early but heartfelt call for a regroup which were just about acknowledged and vaguely acted upon before the hash was off again. A short stop, at what I think was a false trail, gave just a few moments rest before the hare led the SRB’s straight down the correct trail and off out into Hedgerley Park. By now Mike had asked for the split more times than we can count, but as usual was ignored, as we first had to make it across the motorway. The great views and lack of shiggy meant the hash could concentrate on talk of last week’s wedding. Even those who had resorted to avoidance tactics with a bike hash to Wales seemed to have had a very merry time of it and for a bunch of miserable old *****, I didn’t hear a single word of criticism, except perhaps there was a bit too much wind for some ( hey at least it wasn’t Moose’s!) The long short split was finally called and the long runners headed off past Bullstrode Mansion, which it turns out is now owned by WEC or Worldwide Evangelisation Crusade, who seek to take the gospel to those who have not yet heard it – not quite the corporate training centre I imagined, but pretty swanky nevertheless, though how it contributes to their mission, god only knows…. As we headed out over Bulstrode Park. Maggie, Roz & Phil were noted to opt for a sneaky short cut while a fast pace was set across the open grass towards Camp Hill. Once at the far side Paul knew instinctively it was time to head for the beer, and he immediately checked out the path running back across the park. He was right. As we took a sharp turn back on ourselves, we spotted Matt & Roz leaping across the park as they spotted a chance finally to catch up and took the simple choice of one side of a triangle, rather than everyone else’s two. The light was finally fading and torches came out (last time for a few weeks?) as we headed through the tunnel under the motorway to the tune of caterwauling hashers. With the light going, so does my memory, and so we will end back at a snug pub and much licking off lips as the beer was chosen. Thanks to Phil for a well set hash (more flour than last week) and to Ken for offering to organise the next hash weekend (remember Ken?)
Run: 1070 I understand that the blonde had decided to miss Jane’s hash so that she could stretch herself at yoga before her mammoth yoga week next week in St Lucia. Well, the gore on the long cut, as you will have heard, came mainly from Anthony (two hospital visits as a result), though there were rumours of at least another two mooses on the run. The longs can be proud of themselves for only losing a few runners who had decided to make up their own route instead of following the flour. As we weren’t sure if Sooper was with us, and the group was becoming spaced out, Dick volunteered to run quickly to the front where he would whistle loudly if Sooper was with us. However the unaccustomed blood to the brain caused by his dash also caused him to forget if he would whistle if Sooper was there or if he wasn’t there. Fortunately I was distracted whilst waiting and also forgot. So in the end it cancelled itself out – especially when Sooper trotted in to view just moments afterwards. All I can add is that the shorts ran home safely but a blood soaked Anthony appeared in the pub having and an altercation with the sister of a speed bump Keyboard Ken had tried to flatten 5 years ago in Towersey. Sarah's loving touch bought him to life though and soon the hash settled into it's normal Tuesday evening banalities and banter. Ed’s Aside. Perhaps I have been hashing for too long as I wasn’t surprised to find Sarah in the Gents Loo. Several people were, however I think, I will draw a veil over her activities there. LISTEN, - ‘COS THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!! For failure to announce that that very evening you failed to announce your ENGAGEMENT TO LOUISE to the assembled company, it's drinks all round. We DO understand that you may not have wanted to compete with the shenanigans later in the week in and around Westminister Abbey, equally the howls of derision that would have endorsed our advice to your future bride to stop being stupid and find herself a more suitable spouse may have put you off, but your inexcusable lack of foresight or was it tight fistedness? - will cost you a few bob at the next pub we/you Hash from.
Run: 1069
Run: 1068 I apologise in advance if this write up is not to the high standard that you expected from Simon. I think he must have guessed that no one could possibly have replicated his exceptionally flat run of the week before, and by deduction, it would have to be hillier. Simon absented himself from the run and I, rather naively, volunteered to myself to do the write up (in fairness, I do owe one to someone from sometime in the past). To compound my naivety, I have no map with which to guide me. So what follows is a magical mystery tour. Might have happened. Might not. This run may truthfully be described as Kerry’s revenge. However, I do not know whether the revenge was on Kevin (judging by his reaction to setting it) or on the rest of the HASH.
Run: 1066 A is for the 'alf dozen who opted for the short route offered B is for birthday and (Simon's) car boot C is for cakes – heaps of 'em – all served by Simon from B above, and chips at the pub D is for dog, dogs and dogging: Cassie and Twist meet the requirements for the first two definitions: candidates for the third need, kindly supply their personal details in confidence, on a post card please so we can all read it, to Hash Sec E is for erstwhile employers: see R below F is for flint, great clods of it strewn all along the edge of the unlit field where the trail took us: with this week's increase in prescriptions, pain killers for busted ankles are no joke G is for our GM who went to Malmö tonight instead of Princes Risborough: what a tosser. H is for Helen and hear yourself think: if a weekly diet of stories about skiing, training, personal bests, horse and dog grooming is sending you round the twist, join A above. I is for incomers. They first blind the pack with their lcd powered headlamps before knocking them flat, repeating the exercise as they work their way back to the front, just as the flattened pack (does IMF furniture figure here somewhere?) are rising to their feet from the first assault. This invariably takes place on narrow muddy paths that have no passing places J is for Judy, a practitioner of kalisthenics: see K below K is for kalisthenics which requires the participant to straddle a five bar gate that an obliging hasher then swings backwards and forwards for the kalisthenics display to take place L is for lost, a not uncommon occurrence when crossing a field without a trail in total darkness M is for Motor Mouth. The obligatory minimum number of one per Hash drowns out much of the pre-trail instructions. HW3 has its fair share. For the result, see L above N is for Natasha who laid the quality part of Simon's trail O is for "On-On", a cry rarely heard on HW3 once hares and harriettes have completed their first three trails. Roger is our notable exception. P and Q is for the peace and quiet that can be enjoyed on the short trail (see G and H above) R is for redundancy with which Simon's erstwhile employers, in appreciation of his 18 years loyal service, have just rewarded him. S is for Simon, this evening's hare but see N above + B +C U is for HW3's unbelievable clothing retrieval system: the publican at the Mayflower (R*n 1065) had scampered after Mike and Judy (last to leave the pub) with a lady's coat: they gave it to Roger who gave it to Maggie who gave it to Audrey who returned it to the pub who gave it to Mick who passed it to Kevin who sent it to Sam who returned it to Ade who wore it to a fancy dress do at which Jo rightfully claimed what was hers. (Does this qualify as one of David Mitchell's better Unbelievable truths?) V-Z stand for rude words like vomit, witchcraft, xenogamy, Yorkshire pudding and zebu. There is minimal evidence to suggest that HW3 members actively consume any/all of these: let us keep it that way.
Run no 1066 (and awl that?) I hope the ed will run this threw his spell chequer as am writing in haste............. Have wee eva disgust flower? Flower is very important two hashers. Without flower we no knot wear to go. Now eye favour TES co’s flower as Saints berries is very lumpy and sticks in the bottle. How do ewe get it threw the bottle neck without scattering it awl over yore kitchen! Judy obviously has a grate dispenser as her blobs whirr brilliant so eye am tolled by the short ties. Mike did pretty well with his arrows but only won F was two bee found witch lead too much confusion amongst the longs, who went up the hill and down again like the Grand Old Duke. After a sprinkling of reign it turned out to bee a calm and dry evening, with even a few minutes day lit to kick us off. Wee set off across the fields to Grate Miss end den wear the first False caused sum confusion and a less on should have been learnt knot to believe awl Mike’s arrows! Sow their whirr hashers here their and every wear. Sum razed across the car park to rejoin those in the no on the correct path. Along short split was announced and the longs headed four the church wile the shortcakes went window shopping in Miss end den. The longs went down passed Miss end den abbey, witch was flood lit, a cross the rode and in to the estate, soon crossing the railway out in two open country. The write path was found steeply up to the posh Sedges Farm ( a path mist by the longs on hour Full Moon hash!) after playing a nursery rime along the weigh. Wee trotted along the farm drive and took a left witch brought us two an F, an actual F, sew they do exist! Back tracking wee entered At kin's Would. A well blob bed trail ( was this Judy’s work?) was followed but it suddenly stopped (knot Judy’s!) Their whirr hashers running a round like headless chickens in awl directions, cursing the hair, who miraculously materialised from behind a tree! What was he doing their in the dark! A cry of On On from far away by And lows Farm spurred us on and the hair joined us, so this must be write. And their to hour surprise were the shortcakes, loitering on a street corner in Pressed Would. The short ties and sum media went write but eye foolishly followed the longs knot knowing if it was “five or ate miles” as estimated by the hair. Their was moor confusion in Pressed Would involving back tracking, as the F was missing. Roz and Matt then arrived to give us sum advice. But having arrived late and followed there noses, as the trail was cold, there advice was ignored ( it’s hard to kick out cheques when the flower is stuck to tarmac - sorry eye tried). Eye hear that they jumped out and surprised ‘walking’ Roger who was leading the shorts!!? So wear had they bean? With a positive cry of “on on” down a rode to the write, wee awl trotted off happily . Simon feeling a little peckish, was munching on a leaf and wanted Dick to try it, “Ugh” says Dick “you don’t no wear its bean”. “Goon its lovely” . “ No”. “MMMM that’s nice “ says Phil humouring Simon, “it tastes like garlic”. (Little did they no that their was delicious garlic bread at the pub - much tastier). Another cheque by a posh drive found Paul and myself checking towards a farm wandering if wee whirr in someone’s guard den, but wee found an arrow and called the on and raced ahead of the pack, elated to bee at the front instead of the back, our usual place. Wee found a nice grassy footpath falling gently down hill threw Ring all Would to Ring all Rode. My comments to Jane about a relaxing jog soon stuck in my throat as wee climbed a mountain and Paul and Eye whirr at the back again. A write turn into a would brought us to some fields and a surprise root across a ploughed field, well marked with arrows. The On In was spied and with hoops of delight echoing under the bridge, wee arrived back at the pub in good time for chips and garlic bread - thanks J and M for a grate hash and grub. Why were Pocket Rocket and Ryan already leaving the pub, (smart car rocket!)? Apparently they had given up the chase early on and had returned to the pub as they whirr both “very tyred”!! (the young of today!!) After a quiet and refined session in the Mayflower last week, the GM being absent, we were back to normal with cries of OY! THIS IS IMPORTANT! Thanks were given to the hairs and a couple of dates for bike hashes given out, possibly Sat 16 April and weekend of 29 April - 1 May, check web site. But we forgot to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Roger and Gerry didn’t wee? |
