Hashes

1545

Date : 21/01/20
Scribe : Nice Butt
Hounds : 42     Dogs : 4
Recorded distance : 8.98 km
Recorded time : 84.78 min
Uphillness : 1136.79 ft

Our two hares gathered us round in the car park of the Full Moon pub. This was to be Twinkle Toes second outing and for Lady Spooner a virgin set. We were warned of the quagmire that awaited us and of the likelihood of some unusual wildlife on the route? The planets had not aligned for us on this day and the lunar phase was sadly not full but in waning crescent.

We set off in fair weather and that's as far as our luck held out!

As we cut through the pub garden the first shouts of what would become our mantra for the evening rang out through the cold night air... SHIGGY!!!!!!

For those that don't know the origin of the term, I will enlighten you.

Shigellosis is an infection of the bowel caused by Shigella bacteria. Shigellosis is also called bacillary dysentery because it can cause severe diarrhoea. Shigella can be found in water polluted with infected sewage. bacteria causing dysentery occurring most frequently in areas of poor sanitation such as pig sties and back-water swamp lands such as the Misbourne valley.

We slithered across the fields, over Nags Heads Lane and down towards Great Missenden.

As the calls of shiggy continued to resound it seemed it would have been more fruitful to call out the areas of dry ground rather than wet. However the hash don`t seem to have any terminology for this.

In searching for the dry equivalent of Shigella I have found a type of fungus that thrives in dry, desert soil. When the wind picks up, the spores are blown into the air and inhaled causing desert fever. Signs of valley fever show up after the fungus gets into your lungs. You might have: fever, chest pains, cough, night sweats, headaches, fatigue, joint aches or red spotty rash on the lower legs. Symptoms not too dissimilar to those seen post Tuesday night run!

The causal agent, Coccidioidomycosis (commonly known as cocci) doesn't quite have the same ring to it so I fear running round the swamps of south Buckinghamshire shouting COCKY may not catch on soon.

The Hash took a sharp left heading up out of the Misbourne valley towards Prestwood. hello earthling . I live in space. I watch you every day. I spy on you. You look tasty. I want to eat you. I will eat you tomorrow at 12:00 sharp. I think it was along this section that the Hares were extremely generous to us and decided to reroute as to bypass a legendary area of swampland east of the Emyn Muil and bordered on the east by the Dagorlad plain, site of the ancient Battle of Dagorlad during the Last Alliance of Elves and Men. The Dead Marshes. Photos of this area later surfaced on Whatsapp of what we could have sunk in, along with running shoes in various states of abuse.

Running across the middle of a particularly well fenced field we were assured that just beyond the beams of our torches were a flock of llama and alpaca but evidently they had sensibly hunkered down to the night to protect themselves from disturbance from panting, hollering hashers.

The Hash was much relieved when the cosy pub drew back into sight and retreated to the welcoming bosom of the Full Moon for refreshing ale (the Timothy Taylor was exquisite) and sustenance (some of the finest and chunkiest chips we have had).

Roger stepped up to award the belated Tosca's for December - Whipping boy received this New Years honour for services to dots and boxes. We also celebrated the approach of the 18th anniversary of Mick hare raising. Evidently the position is imminently becoming available so any takers for the upcoming vacancy would be well received. There were two spectacular milestones to be celebrated. Firstly, Ken hitting a mighty 750 runs and then Mick reaching the extraordinary number of 900 runs.

Thank you very much to our esteemed hares Twinkle Toes and Lady Spooner for a most enjoyable evening.

JOKES

Mooning is very ASStrological

Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.

Did you hear about the great new restaurant on the moon? The food is excellent, but there's no atmosphere.

How does one astronaut tell another astronaut that he is sorry? He Apollo-gises.

Q: What do you get if you stand between two llamas? A: llamanated

Why did Trump call for a ban on all alpacas entering the US? Because he's isllamaphobic
How do you ask an alpaca his name? Como se llama?