I understand that the blonde had decided to miss Jane’s hash so that she could stretch herself at yoga before her mammoth yoga week next week in St Lucia.
She needn't have bothered.
I've been on many hashes in many countries and never have I had my groin stretched so much and so quickly. Jane, how did you manage to find a run where there were 15 Beecher’s Brook stiles within the first 50 yards? Another hashing 'first' I believe.
On up we ran, into Hodgemoor Woods, - and the light was fast fading. So was the chalk. So was the smile on the face of the Hare. So was the friendly banter as we realized that maybe the Hare was lost.
We perked up a bit when someone stumbled upon a random chalk circle and indeed the smile re-emerged on the Hare's face when she realized that maybe there was the chance that possible embarrassment in the pub may have been avoided. (No luck there though).
So we ran at a fair old lick up to Brentford Grange Farm, (so called because by now we were in Brentford), then right along the Wepley Wood Way, (so called because we were nowhere near Doncaster), with the chilly wind beginning to get to the bones of the more geriatric members of the Hash.
The two skulkers namely Audrey and Barney were unceremoniously pushed to the front by yours truly and despite another false call the two miscreants still managed to get to become FRB's.
Cries from the posh sounding Anthony of 'mind the cow poo', and two herds of cows to back up his warnings, (Janet Crookes would have added to the deposits on the ground, had she been present)!
The long short split allowed the longs to add another two miles to the route and I rely on Gerry to fill in the gory details.
Well, the gore on the long cut, as you will have heard, came mainly from Anthony (two hospital visits as a result), though there were rumours of at least another two mooses on the run. The longs can be proud of themselves for only losing a few runners who had decided to make up their own route instead of following the flour. As we weren’t sure if Sooper was with us, and the group was becoming spaced out, Dick volunteered to run quickly to the front where he would whistle loudly if Sooper was with us. However the unaccustomed blood to the brain caused by his dash also caused him to forget if he would whistle if Sooper was there or if he wasn’t there. Fortunately I was distracted whilst waiting and also forgot. So in the end it cancelled itself out – especially when Sooper trotted in to view just moments afterwards.
All I can add is that the shorts ran home safely but a blood soaked Anthony appeared in the pub having and an altercation with the sister of a speed bump Keyboard Ken had tried to flatten 5 years ago in Towersey. Sarah's loving touch bought him to life though and soon the hash settled into it's normal Tuesday evening banalities and banter.
Ed’s Aside. Perhaps I have been hashing for too long as I wasn’t surprised to find Sarah in the Gents Loo. Several people were, however I think, I will draw a veil over her activities there.
Now then, - Whipping Boy, drinks all round from you on your next Hash.
LISTEN, - ‘COS THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!! For failure to announce that that very evening you failed to announce your ENGAGEMENT TO LOUISE to the assembled company, it's drinks all round. We DO understand that you may not have wanted to compete with the shenanigans later in the week in and around Westminister Abbey, equally the howls of derision that would have endorsed our advice to your future bride to stop being stupid and find herself a more suitable spouse may have put you off, but your inexcusable lack of foresight or was it tight fistedness? - will cost you a few bob at the next pub we/you Hash from.
Good luck was dished out to the 14 bikers who were off to the Brecon Beacons for the Bank Holiday, (Dashwood Dick insisting that he was going to cycle there to boot), and with thanks to Jane for the chips and an excellent Hash and we set off home.