Hashes

1221

Date : 07/01/14
Hare : Rocky Road , Dave
Scribe : Dashwood Dick
Hounds : dunno     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 9.62 km
Recorded time : 92.02 min
Uphillness : 547.90 ft
Please bear in mind when you read this report that Roger only told me that I was to be writing it at the beginning* of the Hash because he'd taken it upon himself to write the New Year's Day hash report that I had hope Gerry wouldn't notice that I was skivving off-of writing.

*Although Roger told me at the beginning of the Hash, it took my poor old diesel engine of a brain to the end of the Hash to realise what he was talking about.

So these are the bits that I remember:

1. No flour.
2. Muddy
3. Wet
4. Chilly
5. John (Brony's man of the moment) did an amazing skiddy moose.
6. The longs had to do a big muddy slopey-bit in King's Wood.
7. There was a fantastic food-stop at David and Maggie's house where Roger had created 72 mince-pies and 3 different stuffed pantetonies - which Matt, Kev and I scoffed as if there was no tomorrow thus breaking our weight-loss New Year's Resolutions. Aaron confessed to having eaten no mince-pies over Christmas and felt it his duty to sink 71 of them in recompense. There were also three boxes of chocolate biscuits that Roger had apparently hidden from Roz (as we all know she can't be trusted where chocolate is concerned) over the Christmas break.
8. There was a REALLY big dog at the pub.
9. Whipping boy and Twist got chucked out of the pub for the fact that Twist is a dog.
10. Hells, Aaron and Poppy got chucked out of the pub for the fact that Poppy is a bitch.
11. REALLY big dog did not get chucked out of the pub for the fact that he was more like a pony which, of course, are perfectly acceptable in pubs.

A sad horse walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer. The barman asks, "why the long face?".

A bear walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................a gin and tonic. The barman ask, "why the big pause?".

Shakepeare walks into a pub. The barman say, "You're bard".

A piece of string walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer. The barman says, "No sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of string in here. So the piece of string goes home and has beans on toast. He waits a week and decides to try again so he goes in the pub again and orders a pint of beer. The barman says, "Look, I told you before, we don't serve pieces of string in here, get out!". So the piece of string goes to the cashpoint and draws out £100, returning to the pub he slapped the money down on the counter and demands a pint of beer. The barman jumps over the bar, grabs the piece of string and physically removes him from the pub. The piece of string picks himself up off the pavement and is about to dust himself off when he happens upon a novel idea.....he twists himself about and gives himself a shake and rolls around on the pavement a bit more. He strides boldly back into the pub and confidently orders himself a pint of beer. The barman draws a deep breath and tells him once more, "OK, what don't you get, I've told you we DON'T SERVE PIECES OF STRING. Are you are you aren't you a piece of string. To which he replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot!".