Chip Advisor

1337

Date : 01/03/16
Hare : Spy
Scribe : Keyboard Ken
Hounds : 33     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 9.70 km
Recorded time : 130.38 min
Uphillness : 355.22 ft

The Hash runs list said, Meet at the swings and slides on Goldhill Common then afterwards go to the Village Hall. Yipee! I thought sounds like a party. I wonderer if there would be jelly and trifle and balloons and clowns. Alas it was not to be.

Kev un-characteristically arrived early to pick me up and in my panic I forgot to pick up my torch and my running glasses. I should explain that I am now at the stage where I need different strength glasses for almost every activity. My running glasses are not so strong as my reading glasses or my playing the guitar glasses, but stronger than my driving glasses. so I would have to run with my playing the guitar glasses, hmm not ideal. Now to set about borrowing a torch.

We arrived at the Hash early and were able to park in Layter Road, close to the swings and slides. Others who arrived arrived later had to park more imaginatively, having been informed that in no circumstances could they  park in the Village Hall car park. So hashers were arriving at the start from all directions and huddling together in a group gently shivering as one.

My requests, to borrow a torch were met with such replies as " You can borrow my spare if you like, but I think the battery is nearly flat." or "My spare torch is just about ok at twigh-light but is no good when it gets dark". Yeah thanks, but no thanks. Now Grahams head torch is one that I have long admired and seems to outshine all others. He graciously agreed to lend me this as he was walking and wouldn't need it. Well I have to say that it was so bright that I barely noticed that I was now running with my "playing the guitar glasses".

So that's the padding out done with, now to get down to the actual run report.

The hash set off un-enthusiastically and after finding the way down several roads and alleyways arrived at a muddy, slippery footpath with accompanying puddles, some so large that I couldn't avoid getting my feet wet.

Paul, the hare for this evening, assured us that there was much more of this to come, so no change there then.

What happened to those lovely warm dry, day-lit hashes of yesteryear? Just a fading memory I fear.

The next thing I remember was coming out onto Welders Lane from a footpath next to a house which someone said used to belong to Ossie Osbourn, ex Black Sabbath vocalist and all round junkie and bat devourer.

Soon after we found ourselves in the Quaker stronghold of Jordans, where we descended to a stony track at the bottom, fortunately climbing immediately up the other side on a muddy footpath.

Next we arrived at Seer Green which turned out to be westernmost extent of this particular hash, passing the Jolly Cricketers pub where my group are gigging on Easter Sunday. It pays to advertise.

Now for the long slog back, which consisted of crossing a large number of small muddy fields all with gates or stiles. The final field being particularly unpleasant with copious amounts of horse droppings inter-mingled with even more copious amounts of mud. Finally we made it to a wood where I must admit I lost the will to live and was no longer paying any attention at all to the trail, until we arrived back at Chalfont St Peter, where Paul treated us to a cruel extra loop taking us to the bottom of Gold Hill Common. It was here that that the hash completely disintegrated with everyone taking what they thought to be the quickest route back, with hashers going in all directions. Myself and another hasher (whose name I don't know) obviously took the most direct route across the common, but when I arrived back at the car, Kev was already there and more annoyingly, was already changed and ready to go to the pub.Dammit!
Incidentally, the Village Hall turned out to be a pub and instead of jelly and trifle there were more chips than you could shake a stick at. Good Hash Paul.