Oh how I miss the jokes! And with that in mind the Runs Report will be a little shorter this week to make room for a few of the same.
A near perfect hash from Andy, plenty of flour, not too long or short with no mud, what was not to like? I can’t remember if there were chips back at the pub but if there were they were delicious! Now for the jokes.
Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say “ Jesus is watching you “. He kept on creeping and again he heard “ Jesus is watching you. “ In a dark corner he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot “ Was it you who said Jesus is watching me? “ The parrot replied “Yes”. Relieved the burglar asked “what is your name?” The parrot said “Clarence” the burglar said “That’s a stupid name for a parrot, what idiot named you Clarence?” The parrot answered “the same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
An elderly couple are in church, the wife leans over and whispers to her husband,
“ I just let out a long silent fart, what should I do?” The husband replies,
“First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid”
Teacher:- “ If you reached in your right trouser pocket and found four pound coins, a fifty
pence piece and a twenty pence piece’ what would you have?”
Boy:- “Somebody else’s trousers”
My dog MINTON swallowed a shuttlecock BAD MINTON!
What did the vet say to the dog who kept licking his testicles?
“ Thanks “
Be naughty save Santa a trip.
Did you realise, half the people you know are below average, and ----- that if
You lived in your car, you’d be home by now.
Actual answers given on Family Fortunes:-
Name a bird with a long neck? Naomi Campbell.
Name something you wear on the beach? A deckchair.
Name a domestic animal? A leopard.
Name something red? My cardigan.
On a pushchair. Remove child before folding.
On a dessert package. This packet of filo pastry will make enough for 4 persons or 12
On a microwave oven. Do not use for drying pets.
On a bathroom heater. This product is not to be used in bathrooms.
Customer:- I’m a vegan, celiac and lactose intolerant, what would you suggest.
Waiter:- A taxi home? ( courtesy Crazy Alan )
What is it that makes a shoe repairer think that he can also cut keys? ( Harry Hill )
The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette. ( Anon )
What’s the worst thing about oral sex? The view ( Maureen Lipman )
Finally:- Always remember you are unique, just like everybody else.
Well I liked them. Did I mention the chips?