It was the kind of night that no one should be out in, and to be fair a lot of hashers came to the same conclusion and weren’t. Cockers, Slacker, Gritty Arsed Fox, Hells Bells & Ron - One hundred lines- ‘I must not miss a Hash’ and the others too, you know who you are.
As for the rest, the calling was too strong and so it was our best and most able (or read keen and stupid) who turned up.
The word had come from on high that this was the big push and tonight we were going over the top. But no one was quite sure and so we stood by as General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchet aka Roger issued our orders, it was a fine thing that we were to do, the kind of thing that no person should be asked to do, but it needed to be done and so that was it, we needed to get on with it. As a result of this rousing speech none of us were any the wiser and so we hoped that Captain Darling aka Aud would help make things clearer. Then it all became much clearer. A trail over the top and into no-man’s land had been set to show us the way, but for reasons of security and to ensure that the enemy did not use it to find their way to us, the trail had been laid on Sunday to ensure that it had washed away by Tuesday so that the enemy would have no chance of finding the trail, the plan was a stroke of genius. We just had to follow this trail and victory would be ours.
For additional security only one person was given the map and so Captain Edmund Blackadder aka Sooper was entrusted with the only copy. Captain Darling aka Aud assured us that she would be right behind us the whole way, but after the first section she took the short with some rousing complements about how well we were doing with our ability to find non-existent flour, how truly scrumptious we were and that she was happy to put us under the orders of the steely eyed map reader Captain Edmund Blackadder aka Sooper.
Well the rest is written in the history books, but basically, we set off on the impossible task to go over the top and follow the non-existent flour, with no-one expected to come back alive. And this is very nearly what happened, but thanks to the map reading skills of Captain Edmund Sooper, with a little help from GPS (Great Pathfinder Skills) we made it and were home in time for tea and medals (and chips).
Hurrah for us !!
General to private: "Have you come here to die?" Private to General: "No sir, I came here yester-die!"