We were all suitably gathered round and under starter’s orders for Kevin and Kerry’s hash from the good old faithful Dashwood Arms.
The route took us right out of the car park. In no time at all we were widdling our way through the streets of Piddington. We then up the steep scenic Piddington Lane. This time missing out the Polo ground and Helen’s special assault course on the left. We arrived at Wheeler End Common, where we were presented with several options. On on was shouted across the common past the pub with rip off chips and down the little road which was sheet ice earlier in the year, then towards Hickenden Farm.
As usual I was near the very back with husband, Loud Millie and Sensible Megan. Oh and Mike. He was taking it easy from his crash in the woods last week. I offered him the use of Megan power which he took me up on, in the process trying to trip people up with poor control of the extendable lead. We then took a right across a field by some very smart farm machinery, before turning left across the field, dropping down, then the ground started to rise, so I politely asked if he would like to exchange the steady eddy Megan for 500 BHP Millie power! He sensibly declined. We now were approaching some woods called Barn woods. At this point it was turn your touches on time! (Ed's Aside - Touches? Sounds like a Freudian slip to me!)
I took back Megan from Mike as the path down into the woods was narrowing steep and flinty. I was chatting away about something that happened 3 years earlier. A hash crash I had in the woods over in Farnham Common direction and that touch wood no serious incidents had happened to me since, when bang. I twisted my left ankle and the next thing I know I’m laying in the dirt on my side, thinking “bugger my knee hurts!“ Kevin came racing back up the path and I can see my knee doesn’t look normal, as there is an enormous bump under my tracksters, without pulling my trouser leg up. Kevin takes a look, as I wouldn’t and said ‘that looks ok, just get yourself back to the pub.’ Mike, Kevin and Steve helped me off the floor. It took 3 grown men to move me, due to all the chips I ate last week, which you can see on the front page of the website, as I explode before your eyes!
We three short cut our way through Barn Wood to Fillingdon Farm and back to the pub. Upon arrival I decided to order a drink and pulled up my trouser leg. Everyone in the pub that was near me at the time stepped back about 3 paces when they saw my knee. It was gross. I looked for approx 1 second and said to Steve, I think you need to take me to casualty.
After my crash the scribe will become rather more vague as I wasn’t there. So I believe from maps I have been given that you all headed from Barn wood to Finnington Wood, across to Third Wood running parallel to the A40, by Studley Green to Horsley Green. At this point you take a path between some properties (houses? I’m guessing now) across a field to more woods. Turning sharp right back in the direction of the A40 again. Now somewhere round here, which I found out much later in casualty, is where our lovely Sarah took a tumble, badly spraining her ankle. More info on this later.
Now I’m not sure at this point, if this is where the long short split was, or if the shorts make their way towards Waterend and The City. Apologies for not knowing. I suspect you somehow meandered your way back to the pub. The longs look like they had a nice yomp round The City and came back quite a direct path so I reckon via Ashridge Farm and Studley Green Farm. Did you then pick up the Old Oxford road back to the pub? This would have kept you off the main drag.
Ed’s aside, OK Jane, good guess but totally wrong – that’s the route I followed with my GPS – but most of it was in Kevin’s car as he came back to drive Sarah (who could only just hop on one leg at this point) back to the pub. As soon as Sarah hurt herself the hash instantly organised itself into rescuers, and people with phones with no signal. It was pretty obvious that despite her brave stoicism, poor Sara was in a lot of pain so people were sent off to phone and get a car. Some few minutes later Helen and Sam returned to say they still couldn’t get a signal – then there was yet more rushing up hills and down dales to get one. Then – low and behold they got a signal – but none of the hashers at the pub had their phones turned on! So Helen used her vast mental powers (OK phone) and phoned Dick, who phoned the pub and help was soon on its way.
A brief stop in the pub and we convinced Sarah that A&E was a good idea and off we trotted. OK, technically Sarah didn't trot as much as hop like a humorous frog with one leg, banging into things such as doors and tables.
I trust the chips were up to the usual standard and that Kevin and Kerry received a good round of applause for the most hazardous hash in history. Ed’s Aside Sorry I don’t know either – they looked good but we dashed past them n the way to hospital)
Anyway on the way to casualty Steve wasn’t sure if A & E still existed in Wycombe, or if we had to go all the way to Stoke Mandeville. We hit High Wycombe and rolled (hobbled) up and to my delight it was still taking in idiots like me.
I signed in, sat down, and then was called through to be ‘Triaged’! What a lovely experience that is. Then I was told to go back out to reception and wait. Sometime later I was called through again, but this time, I meet “Scary man with needles and stitches!“ Lovely! I lie down on the bed and hear a charmingly delightful young doctor in the next cubicle who knows how to woo his patients. Not mine. I make small talk saying what time to you finish tonight? (Ed’s Aside – Attagir! What a time to flirt! Is that how you got your Hash Handle?)
He says with one word ‘Midnight’ I didn’t think this through, maybe he thought I was chatting him up. God no! (Ed's aside, Hmmm still sound's like chatting up to me!) Basically he was a miserable git who threw the local anaesthetic needles (all 4 of them) at my knee like a darts player. Five stitches later I hobble back out of the cubicle into the reception area. Guess who I saw? Sarah, Gerry and support crew. It was like a private HWH3 party in casualty. Sarah and I shared a pain killing Cadbury Twirl bar (no substitute for chips) but still nice all the same.
As I mentioned earlier she had sprained her ankle. I said I hope you don’t get my miserable doctor and get Prince Charming instead. She got the grumpy one, who said ‘oh god not another one’! Anyway I was just glad to get out of there before the clock struck twelve. No not before I change into a pumpkin or anything, but the very next day was Steve and my 2nd wedding anniversary and I didn’t fancy starting it off in Wycombe Casualty dept.
Ed's aside: Alls well that ends well - and Sarah was given a pair of crutches, converting her into an instant peg-legged Pirate - we must remember to buy her an eye patch and parrot to complete her outfit!
Sorry it is rather long this week, but there was a lot to get through.