There’s a birthday afoot.
Well for those that didn’t spot the bleeding obvious, last weeks trash was a carefully concocted weave of guesswork as the author was on holiday and nowhere near the hash on said Tuesday evening. I must admit that I was tempted to follow in Gerry’s wise footsteps and lift an old hash report from a couple of years back, paste it into this weeks offerings & just see if anyone was dumb enough to bother reading my scribblings. However, I concluded that with no valid excuse this was not the done thing, especially considering the effort that Mick had gone into setting us a great hash around Parslows Hillock & even setting the longs an extra stint towards the end – his excuse being that he took a wrong turn & lost his map, but I recon he has a secret adoration for the FRB’s and knew that the extra training would be gratefully received.
The downside of Mick’s aforementioned map loss, is that instead of just cribbing a few place names from a neatly prepared little map & dropping them chronologically into this report, I now not only have to remember where we ran but also research the local area to find some suitable place names to retain the historical accuracy of our 959th run. Now if only my pea sized brain could remember a little bit more than the name of the pub we conveniently both started & finished at, I’d be cooking with gas.
Freshened by a chill in the air & the addition of two virgin hashers, we dutifully listened to the hares ramblings before setting off & ignoring all that he had implored upon us, the first on on of the night had us tearing through Hillock Wood past two bemused but smiling horse riders (at what point in their career to mere horse riders become jockeys?) and John’s virgin status was immediately demoted to “super FRB” as even Sam had to keep him from disappearing into the night. At the allotted point the short cutters sped off eagerly expectant of getting to the pub first, but they had been lead astray by Mick as a reconnection with the FRB’s further into the Buckinghamshire countryside soon wiped the smile off their faces. Meanwhile back with the long cutters my tempting of the ladies (usually of the short cutting variety) into the woods on the long route was met with about as much enthusiasm as piglets entering the doors of a slaughter house, however I was considerably bolstered by Ade’s belief that women might have actually taken me up on such an offer in my more youthful days. Many on backs later, had us trailing in at second place & the short cutters baying (well David was anyway) for our blood as we regrouped near Hampden House.
On on through the churchyard and down to Great Hampden before crossing onto Hampden Common & possibly the most perfect running surface known to mankind, I defy anyone not to have noticed the intense springyness of the cricket pitch outfield – is this normal for such places? I always thought that they were supposed to be hard as nails & that the ball bounced rather than the pitch itself? Ne’r mind twas all soon forgot as doon the hill and across the tarmac we ran before the short cutters got their revenge & skipped off back to the chip infested pub.
Knowing that the long cutters still had Mick's map loss still to confront, we plunged bravely into the depths of Highwood Bottom before realising that in the immortal words of Yaz “The only way is up” but even after looking at the map I can’t quite see how Mick thought that any one loop back was longer than another. Seemingly Dexter had similar thoughts as the words of his temporary lord and master had little effect on deterring him from the taking the longer (?) route until dragged back by his studded collar by Matt. Or maybe it was Mick’s detour round the lake pretending to be a puddle in the middle of the path that added the extra half mile but who really cares when you are rewarded with a well stocked Barney’s birthday beer stop at the top of the hill.
A short wobble down the road and we were soon back to the chip & sweet infested pub – a bowl of chips each must surely make a record of some kind. Three cheers to Mick for an excellent hash & also to Barney for a great evening to have a birthday, well done to you both. I also have to congratulate myself & Gerry for not giving in to temptation & broadcasting Jo “I need a poo” McGovern’s touching cloth experience to the hashing world... oops!