The Chequers

Hummery: One of the ‘Golden Triangle’ pubs in God’s own hashing country, The Chequers offers hares & hounds alike a warm welcome and an even warmer seat by the roaring fire in the cosy main bar. A limited beer range and devilishly high soft drink prices knock a few points off the score, but on a cold wintry night there are few better places to snuggle down.

Overheard on the hash (9th February 2016)

“Right, the LONG this evening is 5.2 miles and it’s flat, apart from one particularly steep downhill section which is very slippery so take care!” [The hare addresses the pack] “So how do we end up back at the same pub if there is one steep downhill and no uphills?”  [The pack address the hare] “Pah!” [The hare doesn't really care!]

“If this is the flat bit, then the downhill part must be a vertical cliff!” [as the hash pant up yet another long drag. Note, my Garmin recorded 240m of ascent - that’s around 800ft!]

“Strewth! It’s like a scene out of The Little Shop of Horrors, with Ompah Loompahs for extras” [Jess’s bright fuschia/purple combo set alongside Paul & Alex’s lurid orange tights set the retinas alight]

“You could at least have gone for an orange all-in-one suit”  “You mean like a gimp”  “Yeah, Orange Gimp #1 - that could be your hash name” “I’m not sure about that….” “Well, would you rather be called Orange Gimp #2?” [Matt introduces Paul to the niceties of Hash Naming]

“Are we in Oxfordshire yet?” “Nah, that’s still a few miles away….unlike your run Kev, where we crossed 3 counties and 2 time zones” “Ah yes…..” [Kev goes very quiet]

“Woah!” [Dick narrowly misses tripping up over a dog lead held taught across the trail at thigh level] “Sorry, I was just moving that tree out of the path” [Alex performs his good deed for the hash] “Well you could have moved your dog as well - nearly cut me in two!” “Just treat it like a bollard Dick…..or maybe dog + bollard = dollard!”

“Gate. Style. Road. Sky. Stars….” [Zorro gets carried away with his name calling]

“Oh, we don’t often use the half-yard of ale…however, our 5 pint version is very popular indeed” [a request to the landlord to bequeath a half-yard to HOY - Hasher of the Year, Andy - is met enthusiastically by the pub…shame that Andy wasn’t quite as keen!]

Rogette’s Of The Week

“Jess! You’ve gone and made this bag all dirty!!!” / “Yeah, I put my shoes in it - I thought that’s what plastic bags were for?” / “Not THIS plastic bag!” / “Why not?” / “Because it’s got to go in MY car” [Jess commits the Cardinal Sin of forgetting to double bag her muddy trail shoes]