The Dashwood Arms

Overheard on the hash (23rd September 2015)

Shiggy roots…shitty roots…..[Zac mooses spectaularly]  roooooots……[ends in a plaintive cry]

Ouch that flint just kicked up and hit me on the f...bone. [Hels] Did you say the fanny bone Hels? [Matt] No [Hels, laughing] the funny bone....but I did hurt my fanny bone the other day whilst on a swing. Did you mean fanny burn…..? [Matt] This conversation is over! [Hels runs off…]

So seriously, what happened on the swing? I thought I could touch the ground but my legs wouldn't reach. Ah well, those kiddies swings can be quite dangerous you know....[Hels runs off again..]

Jess, will you calm down! Don't you mean Summer calm down, she's the one jumping up? Well so a you and you're getting all excited [Ross calls Jess to heel]

Summer....Summer! Oh bugger it, nobody listens to me in my family anyway [Roger finds enlightenment on the hash]

By the way Ian, if you feel a tickling behind you on your leg, that's not me, it's Summer. And if I feel a scratching on my arse, who is that going to be then? [Ian starts to get excited]

I was going to shave but I thought it looked quit cool so I left it - what do you think? Looks like a bearded minion to me. [Dan regrets asking for an opinion on his new ‘baby’ beard]

Indy, Indy....save me Indy. [Hels re-enacts the boulder scene from Indiana Jones whilst being followed downhill by Andy]

You do realise that if Matt stops suddenly you'll become a Helen sandwich? I could do to lose some weight. [Hels] I wouldn't worry about that, you'll be changing sex if that happens! [Andy sets Hels straight]